Haven't Cried Like This For The Last 5 Years

Well, yes, I cried. No, not because of something Important. Instead, it's only because of one damn good game. We'll talk about that later on.

You maybe curious why do I cry just because of a game. To start with, I'm quite an empath, or simply said a guy who can feel other people emotion. I don't know empath is a valid word or not, but, meh, I don't care ;p This trait of mine is really strong especially when the subject is a game or series or movie or novel, well mostly on fiction. I haven't gone through an experience in real world where I can tell whether I have empathy or not.

So, basically when I following a fictional media which have quite deep drama on it, I can literally feel what the character feels, especially the main character. When they feel sad, I feel sad. When they're uneasy, I feel uneasy too. This is also one of the reason why I can't play any RPG a few days after I finished Suikoden V which somehow have took me inside of it.

The game that made me cry recently was a visual novel called "Da Capo". It's just like the other VN. You are the main protagonist and have 5 or so number of girls you can choose to be your girlfriend. Simple, yet I like it. I only play one route and realize that this game have a great story. On my first play, I chose Asakura Nemu, main chara's sister, as my target. Yes, it's his own sister. Yes, it's incest. Yes, I know it's not good. But, what the heck. She's cute, she's sweet, and she's so adorable. Besides, it's just a game for God sake!! It's not a matter since it's fictional.

!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!
BEYOND THIS POINT IS A SPOILER OF ASAKURA NEMU'S PATH IN "DA CAPO"! IF YOU INTENDED TO PLAY THIS GAME AND DON'T WANT ANY SPOILER, DON'T READ PAST THIS POINT! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!



So, me(I will use this pronoun to address Asakura Junichi, the main protagonist) and Nemu are siblings and live in the same house (duh! Of course we are!). Our parent are working abroad and never shown in the game. We went to the same school and same class. We share a same birthday. People around us treat us as a twin, but the fact is that Nemu is my stepsister. Her parent was killed in a car accident and our parent adopted here in the end.

We are quite close to each other. She always wakes me up every morning. And I always check her temperature with my forehead since she get cold quite often. This become our daily ritual. If I wake up early, we usually go to school together. We often eat our lunch together.

From the look on her eyes and her action, I dare to bet that Nemu look at me more than just a brother. Things become awkward one day when we talk about who should married first. She mistook my advice to get married in the same day with married each other. She get embarrassed. It get worst when Yoshino Sakura, our cousin, say, "You are siblings, you can't do that." She actually refer to something else, but me and Nemu mistook it with loving each other. Even though this misunderstanding was get straighten, Nemu thought about this deeply and decided to avoid me.

After several days of avoiding, I accidentally met Nemu on the school's corridor. We talked awkwardly. I got depressed about this. I talked to my best friend, Suginami about this. At that time I confess to him that I realized that Nemu is cute, that I love her more than a sister. When I went home, Nemu, who was hiding and overheard my chat with Suginami, approach Suginami and talked. She decide not to keep this anymore. She then went home to meet me. That night, we told each other about our feeling. Then, we did our first kiss. Suddenly, our head became dizzy and everything became white. I woke up 2 days later and found Sakura on my room. It seems that Me and Nemu were passed out suddenly and Sakura is the one who took us to our room.

One day, I get call from Nemu's friend that she was fainted at school (it was Spring holiday). I ran to school and found out that she's okay. But on our way home, she fell on her knees. I decided to lift her home. After showing our affection toward each other, Nemu decided to give herself for me, thus that became our 'first night'. I woke up 2 days later and found Sakura and Suginami on my room. It seems me and Nemu were fainted again and Nemu was hospitalized for the last 2 days. She was at home now but the reason of her long sleep was unknown. The next day she woke up for a while and then went to sleep again. Since that time, Nemu get a lot of sleep with only 2 hours waking up each day. The weird thing was, occasionally there was sakura's petal come out from Nemu's body without her knowing.

As things get quite out of hand, Sakura came to me and said the reason. It seems that our soul and heart are connected strongly. It's because our connection that we have since we are kids plus our connection now. This feeling of brother and couple were too strong. Nemu can't hold this much feeling at once. Because of our heart's connection, we can feel what the other feel. This become bad when Nemu keep all my emotion and feel that she feel. One body cannot hold two soul. Because Nemu want to keep my memories, emotion, and soul that get to her, her soul can't stand it and came out as Sakura's petals. Me, on the other hand, not affected by this. Since long I can see other peoples dream, which turns out to be my way of letting out other's people emotion that get to me. The only things to fix this is to hate each other, thus severe the connection. But this really hard, because we love each other and can feel each other feeling. So Sakura, who adept in magic, takes a drastic measure. Erase Nemu's Memories. All memories that could lead to her loving me were erased. This really heal Nemu. But, everyday was a living hell for me. I love her and this close with her, but she didn't. She only think of me as a brother now, since her memory was erased. That's hurts me a lot.

One day, she get cold again. I worried on school and rush to home to make her lunch. When I get to her room, her bed was full of Sakura's petal. She was standing there crying and afraid, because she didn't know what happens. All day I accompany her because she was afraid to be alone. Day become night. She asked me if I was the one that give her the bell that she always used. She didn't remember it, but sure that I was the one. It seems that even though she forgot everything that can lead to love me, she still love me and feel the she forgetting something so important. She asked me for sleep besides her for that night.

That night, I was dreaming other person dream. It was a white dream. A dream of nothingness. Sakura then tell me in that dream that it was Nemu's. She want to remember me that much to the extent erasing all other memories that didn't includes me. When I wake up, Nemu was gone. I went to her room and realize that she went to the school. This time, we are connected again. I could feel whatever she feel on my way to the school. I found her on the roof top. We stand back by back. We can feel each other feeling, even reaction. When I want to turn to see her, she feel it and tell me to not turn. She didn't want me to see her like that as my last memory of her. I told her we should go home and promised her that we will go to school together everyday, have lunch together, study together, just like the old day. She cry and happy hearing that. "But,..." She said, "I can't niisan. You should find a new way for you... Sayonara... Niisan...." After hearing her saying that, my heart broke. I turned and see a lot of Sakura's petals come out from her back. I held her falling body and scream her name. But, she just lied there in silent.

Not so long after that, I get a letter from Nemu. It said it to be opened "When I'm not around". The letter said that she loves me and sorry to always become a burden. She said to forget about her and remember only like once a year or so. She then tells me to not feel guilty about this and find a girlfriend.

-Back to the real world-
And that's the end of it. I was crying like hell when I see the ending. Hell, I even almost cry again when I type the last paragraph. Since the time I see that ending, my chest always hurts every time I remember the rooftop scene and the letter. It seems, the real me also love her quite much. Then, when I checked on the scenario list, I see that I miss a scenario right after the Letter scene. Then I saw the probability that there is an ending where Nemu is alive in the end.

To see Nemu alive again, I go back to the second last choice. My prediction was this choice is the one which decide whether Nemu is alive or not. I play it again from that point, which still quite long since the ending. Then it comes again. The roof top scene. It's really great how they create the scenario on the rooftop. This time I cried again. Even with more tears now. Then come the letter scene. It takes more tears again from me. And then finish. What? After so much tears, I still don't get the good ending?

Since it was late already, I shut off my Lappie. That night I can't sleep quick enough. My chest still hurt if I remember Nemu. The next day is the same. Each time my mind wander off, I remember about Nemu, which result with pain in my chest. When I get the time, I try to find the guide for this game. And voila, I found it. I managed to see where I went wrong (Thanks to my habit to keep log of my choices on this game). I start this game again and try to follow the guide...

Then... It comes again. The rooftop scene. This scene is really makes my chest hurts. This time, even more tears come out. I already saw Nemu's death for 3 times. Is there something worse than saw someone you love died 3 times? NO!! I can't hold my sadness back there. I keep on until the letter. This goodbye letter really drove me crazy. I can't stand it anymore. Then, after the supposedly last sentences, there was a hold. I was surprised. I keep on for a second, and then I'm sure enough. I get the next scenario that I missed! Then, I saw Nemu in flesh! I stop my game and cry really bad. This time, I was crying because of the happiness of seeing Nemu alive! I never cried this much since abou 5 years ago (hence the title). Then I continue see this Happy Ending until I saw the words THE END (in Japanese, of course).

This was the greatest experience of empathy I ever have. Even tough I planned to replay this game and take another route, I can't bear to start. I still remember Nemu. She's still engraved on my heart (which is a bad thing since she's fictional and 2D). I can't stand dating other girls while I still can see Nemu. I still can remember clearly her voice. But, since I already get her alive again, my heart never ache as much as before when I think about the rooftop scene.

Well, I really hope I can get over this feeling soon. I still want to try another path. The girls in Da Capo are really lovable, sweet, cute, and adorable. It's too bad if I can't take their path. I bet they also have a deep and great story just like Nemu's. But, even though I will in the end have dating all those girl, my all time favorite will possibly Nemu. I don't know until when, but for now, She's the best 2D Fictional girl I ever like.

This is Benard reporting. Hope you enjoy it, and see you on the next post!!
AAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDD CUT!!